jinky gutang

So we have been in an unstable spirit lately. Emotions are all over the place. I can’t name them exactly or maybe I am just scared to label them because then I will realize what feelings they truly are and why I have them. I’m in bed ready to sleep, but still on my phone and saw a post that says; “Turn it into art”. So here we are. I have established now that my art is through words. Lol. I like words. Actually no, I love words. I may suck sometimes at putting them together in a way that is likable to others, but I don’t really care as long as there is no moral or logical reason to do otherwise.

3 months ago we turned 36 and as much as we want to have everything all figured out already, we always find our way back into thinking, “So this is it? This is all of it?” I wanted to improve in every area of my life that is important to me. I wanted to be better at my craft. But I am also so easily persuaded to do the exact opposite. Easily distracted. I don’t know if the drive is not strong enough or if me being unstable and don’t know what I truly want.

Some (my alter ego) would probably think this is a beautiful thing. It means you are alive and feeling exactly what an alive-36-year-old, INFJ-old soul Pisces would feel. It’s a mess over here and I don’t like it.

Then it gets boring and the moment I want to try something new and go out there and be a not boring person too, disappointments come flooding in. I mean we have expectations and standards but it takes a lot of willpower to understand everything that falls behind that fence of expectations and standards. Then it gets exhausting. Again back to being easily distracted. What do we do? Probably expect nothing and keep the standards a little lower?