Posted in THOUGHTS

READ WITH ME: 2022 READING LIST

Reading is an incredible tool to help us grow, reframe our thinking by learning new things and sometimes transports us to a whole new world. I started to like reading first a few years back to improve my English writing and grammar. Today, I opted to read more if I want to know about anything that interests me.  

This list is not a crazy goal of how many books I can read in a year, but merely the list to follow through. 

I hope any of these will spark interest in you. 

Happy reading!

  1. IKIGAI The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life – currently reading
  2. Myths of Happiness
  3. Life Lessons from a Brain Surgeon 
  4. It Ends with Us 
  5. Tiny Beautiful Things 
  6. The Only Street in Paris 
  7. Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion 
  8. Public Speaking for Success, Dale Carnegie 
  9. What Everybody Is Saying by Jose Navarro 
  10. The Influential Mind 
  11. Quit 
  12. The Artist’s Way 
  13. The Dance of Anger
  14. Invisible Women 
  15. #futureboards 
  16. Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid 
  17. 3 Women by Lisa Taddeo 
  18. For One More Day; The Atomic of Habits 
  19. Soulful Simplicity 
  20. The Mighty Thor by Jason Aaron 
  21. The Good and Beautiful God 
  22. I’m Not Your Baby Mother 
  23. Woman Code 
  24. The Joy of Less 
  25. Essentialism 
  26. The Power of How 
  27. The Story of my Experiments with Truth 
  28. Project 333
  29. You can Heal your Life 
  30. Demian by Hermann Hesse 
Posted in THOUGHTS

THE LAST 30 DAYS IN A PHOTO DUMP

The last 30 days was a pure act of self-care. Went for multiple rounds of decluttering physical things, digital and mental. My main goal for taking a break is to ground me or to calm me for the past 12 months was violent so to speak. And that I am truly grateful for the opportunity to reflect on so many things going on around me and within myself.

I slept for a total of 15 days (I’d like to think), permitted myself to just be lazy, ate whatever I wanted, and binge-watched TED Talks and TV series.

I also reformed old habits that for some reason I have forgotten. One is being selective about what I should spend my time doing or thinking. I have forgotten how cosy it feels to be present and never worry about anything you don’t have control over i.e., the past, the future, and other people’s beliefs, thoughts and feelings. Another habit is being able to shake off any negative vibrations coming along when you have to deal with people and react only if you absolutely need to.

As tomorrow slowly unfolds, I vow to live each day intentionally. To continue to be a wild, cool, and complex person but with less anxiety. LOL.

The major takeaway is the realisation of how important rest truly is.

Sending virtual hugs your way,

Jinky


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Posted in THOUGHTS

WHY IT ROCKS TO BE SENSITIVE

Whenever I imagine my truest self, I picture someone who overthinks a lot, cries when happy and cries when sad.

This reminds me of when one of our docs shouted at me with dets we spare to share. I cried so much and hardly convinced myself that, it shouldn’t affect me anymore considering I’m doing nursing for a decade already.

Being highly sensitive is my trait and it is my weakness as much as my strength. Weakness in the sense that I often put others demands first before mine and ends up saying yes all the time and no matter how hard I try to put up boundaries, they are still being crossed. In the case of the latter, it is my gentle power, I can deeply analyze everything and I can feel what you feel. It might not be 100% accurate, but I’m pretty sure I will know. I might don’t have steel elbows but I keep the condition balance for the people who say no and outspoken.

There are so many instances that I am told to toughen up, you’re an adult, be a b*, say no, etc etc. Those pieces of advice in addition to being too emotional made me think something is wrong with me. Then I started reading about it to understand it better. Of course, the world is still painful sometimes. But I don’t believe you need to be sensitive to care.

I am essentially born to be mild and would love to take your hand to make the world gentler.

Posted in THOUGHTS

33 THINGS EVERY 33 YEAR-OLD WOMAN SHOULD KNOW

  1. You have wrinkles but it’s okay.
  2. Don’t compare YOUR success to someone else’s OWN definition of success.
  3. Turn your panic into prayers.
  4. Stop chasing after people for you don’t need to chase what belongs to you.
  5. Always go for quality over quantity. Be it physical things, people or relationships.
  6. You will take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. You can’t give what you don’t have.
  7. Follow what feels good.
  8. Invest on memories not on things.
  9. It’s not all about you, don’t always take things personally.
  10. Don’t lower your standards, instead wait for someone to rise up for it.
  11. Money or things will not solve your real problems.
  12. There’s an advantage in not knowing.
  13. Perspective is a beautiful thing.
  14. Perfectionism is a mask that we all wear when we are afraid of failure.
  15. Sometimes it is better to fall asleep in pain than to fall asleep knowing that you were the cause of someone else’s pain.
  16. You can be in the worst position possible but you’ll figure it out.
  17. Happy whole people are drawn to happy whole people. 
  18. Try not to please everyone.
  19. The world changes with your example not your opinion.
  20. People may talk bad about you, crash you, and walk over you but you will always keep your value.
  21. The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven or hell.
  22. When you love, you love hard. If you don’t get it back, there’s nothing wrong with you.
  23. Judgement is but a mirror that reflects the insecurities of the person who’s doing the judging.
  24. Your values determine the nature of your problems and your problems determine the quality of your life.
  25. Keep things private until you know it’s permanent.
  26. Seek what sets your soul on fire.
  27. Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.
  28. Other people’s opinions do not define you. You do you.
  29. Your life experiences mattered in equal measures in making you a better YOU.
  30. Eat your veggies, be kind to animals, and use less plastic.
  31. Always have a safe space.
  32. It is your sensitivity to others’ wrongful treatment that stops you from treating others wrongly.
  33. Be kind with a spine!

Had an impromptu life-lessons-exchange with Jam and Kim. They are not 33 though so 80% of what they are saying they don’t know yet.

Read about my 31 Gifts of Gratitude to my 31 Year Old Self and 30 Things I Learned at 30 through these links.

Hope this adds value.

Love,

Jinky xx

Posted in THOUGHTS

AMIDST COVID ERA AND COVID ERA

I don’t know how much more I can do and I can hold. Keeping it all together and trying to stay positive though you are physically and mentally drained is freaking EXHAUSTING! And it’s obnoxious hearing people say “things will get better soon” like, when exactly..? It has been a year of battling covid on a personal level and professional one (short staffed). Everyday I show up to work, give my best and perform the same standards expected that should be done by two. And guess what, it is tiring. If you are not tired, you are not doing it right. I am sorry to say that but not really.

I. Am. Over. It. And I am done being discouraged to express what I feel. I’m fully aware that others are having it worse, but that doesn’t mean anything about me, my experience, my pain and my right to feel my emotions. Well, in fact, expressing and letting it go is better than letting it balloon out of control.

So yeah, sorry for such a negative post but I am just trying to be real. I can tell you to stay strong and positive etc., but you can do whatever you want to do, too.

Love,

Jinky

Posted in THOUGHTS

31 Gifts of Gratitude to my 31 Year Old​ Self

 

  1. Thank you for not giving up when things got rough.
  2. Thank you for looking after yourself.
  3. Thank you for loving yourself so you can love others.
  4. Thank you for trying not to always doubt yourself.
  5. Thank you for being brave to welcome love again.
  6. Thank you for doing small little things as your way of giving back.
  7. Thank you for minimizing foul language.
  8. Thank you for trying to quit your bad habits.
  9. Thank you for making this blog to share your thoughts and the things you love doing when you’re not working.
  10. Thank you for taking happiness in healing others.
  11. Thank you for eating healthier and working out.
  12. Thank you for quitting smoking.
  13. Thank you for keeping your values and beliefs in a world where change is literally constant.
  14. Thank you for the courage to ask someone when you need help.
  15. Thank you for trying to spend less on the things you want and spending more on the things you need.
  16. Thank you for replying to messages right away, not after a week of receiving it.
  17. Thank you for always wanting to help even when you have to compromise yourself.
  18. Thank you for trying to live plastic-free.
  19. Thank you for drinking 2 cups of coffee and 15 cups of water every day.
  20. Thank you for spending less time with uninspiring people.
  21. Thank you for speaking up your mind and what you feel.
  22. Thank you for keeping your cool when you’re disappointed beyond measure.
  23. Thank you for crying when you are sad, happy or when watching sad movies.
  24. Thank you for reading more.
  25. Thank you for always wanting to learn more.
  26. Thank you for judging yourself and other people less.
  27. Thank you for starting bullet-journaling.
  28. Thank you for ranting in a piece of paper as your way of destressing.
  29. Thank you for moisturising your face and body every day.
  30. Thank you for loving your family more than you ever thought it was possible to love anything.
  31. Thank you for THRIVING and celebrating your LIFE. You are exactly where you need to be. Happy Birthday!

Check out my 30th birthday post; 30 Things I Learned at 30.

Thank you for stopping by and belated Happy International Women’s Day to all the amazing women out there!

Love,

Jinky xx

Posted in THOUGHTS

7 BAD HABITS TO BREAK IN 2019

I’m sharing 7 habits to break in 2019. These are bad habits that I myself sometimes consciously do and I thought I’d share these with you as food for thought and potentially as an inspiration for one another to set on a good start this new year. Let’s get into it.

1. Showing Up Late

Showing up late would have to be on top of the list. You have no idea how bad I am in showing up on time in every get together with friends, meeting a friend, work meetings, and appointments. Thank goodness, I have not missed any interviews yet. I will make it a mission to break this habit in 2019. This is probably so annoying on so many levels to other people because If I were the one waiting, I’ll get annoyed, too. Your friends will have to adjust to you because you’re late and that is not a good impression to have nor a good start for a new year.

2. Excessive Worrying

Worrying is feeling troubled or uncomfortable and being overly concerned about a situation or problem. I don’t like things being not perfect the way I wanted them. Thus, over-worrying is the norm for me. Sometimes I’ll realize it sometimes I won’t and it just keeps happening. I know life or every single day rather is full of uncertainties and if we spend our time worrying we will miss out on things that we should be focussing instead. Our brain is so powerful that what we think and what we obsess on will grow and develop. If you worry about the things that could go wrong, it might go wrong. Over-worrying will just attract more worry and you’ll be trapped in this entire same cycle. So, this year we have to stop worrying about things more than we should and redirect our way of thinking and focus on what we can do to address the things that keep us worried. Lastly, the effects are not healthy at all; less sleep, irritability, emotional exaustion, unrealistic fear, the feeling of everything is just not working and everyone is annoying. Haha.

3. Saying bad things to myself

I look at myself in the mirror and I can instantly point out the things I don’t like about my self physically (like how short I am and my eye bags) instead of honouring what I have and recognising the values I have personally that I should be proud of. Not to mention the comments I gave myself everytime I screwed up or failed. Ironically, I can support and motivate myself in doing what I want to do and I can blame myself as much without second-guessing if I have not performed well. If you’re someone like me, this has to stop. Everywhere you can see self-care and self-love are being raised for awareness because it’s obvious that sometimes we need to be reminded that we are amazing just the way we are. I believe that practising self-love is very important because of how we are within ourselves contributes immensely to how we present or express ourselves out into the universe. That being said, the idea of talking bad things to yourself as well as self-blame in every realm of life possible contradicts that notion. I am aware that sometimes this can appear lame but it’s actually true. You can’t be nice to anyone if you aren’t with yourself and how can you compliment others and can’t compliment yourself? It takes practice, I myself included should do so and today can be the first day of many.

4. Not Exercising

Trust me I get a burst of energy and motivation when it’s a good day and some days I just don’t. I have no idea why. This year I will try harder to stop me from making excuses not to work out. There are multiple benefits you can get even in just doing simple exercise and stretches. To name a few; back pain relief, helps with muscle spasm, weight loss, improves your mood, and make your heart stronger (no pun intended). No need for a gym membership or fancy work out gears and whatnot. Just do your daily stretch and exercise as much as you can and wherever you can.

5. Impulsive Buying

Don’t be fooled by sales and offers at the mall. I’ll be lying if I’ll say I wasn’t. But if your aim is to help them skyrocket their sales, then feel free. Haha. When I started sorting out the things I need from the things I owned, it hit me. I can’t believe the money, energy, and time I have wasted every time I saw that red tags with 70% or 50% off on it. I have started breaking this habit later of 2018 and planning to completely break it this year. Think about the time you need to clean if you own a lot of things, the time you spend to think what to wear if you have a lot of clothes. And this can’t be just me, have you noticed that even though you have literally tons of clothes, you somehow managed to think you have nothing to wear thus you need to buy new ones. If you wanna buy something, delay buying it. You might be surprised that the next day you no longer want the thing you wanted the other day. Lastly, the thing about sales or offers is that you’re not actually saving money but spending more money buying things more than you actually need.

6. Gossiping and Complaining

I’m so guilty of this. Haha. I get that we are not perfect so as the people around us and those days that are just the “unlucky days”. I complain less now than before, which is I think is progress. If you’re a person who complains a lot over silly things that shouldn’t be attended really, know that it’s bad for your health as well as to the people around you who are unlucky enough to hear you always complain. The more you complain the more you are attracting negative vibes and negative people into your life. If you just think about it, you have way too many reasons to be thankful for. Okay, this doesn’t mean we can’t have negative thoughts but we can try to just keep them to ourselves and not putting it out there for people to know and feel uncomfortable, too. Gossiping is a bad habit I want to break, too. Please don’t be so quick to judge me. I don’t gossip big time, it’s just that sometimes we can’t contain ourselves talking about other people’s lives. It would be nicer if we can just talk about the good in them and how they’ve succeeded in inspiring us by example.

7. Excessive use of phone

Lastly but by no means least, excessive use of phone. I myself might also be doing this way more than I should sometimes, but I’ll take credit in knowing when I should and when I should really not. When you’re with your friends or loved ones, put down your phone or excuse yourself if you have to answer an important call. The fact that they gave you their time makes them more than deserving of the time you spent scrolling your phone, too. Be present, engage in the conversation, and update each other. Believe me, It will make them happy, feel appreciated and respected, and you get to be “that friend” who isn’t always on his/her phone. The other reason aside from saving money, why I don’t use data on my phone every time I’m out is that it will give me no reason to use my phone. If I’m out with friends, okay I’ll snap a pic or two and then I want to have fun. If I’m alone, I want to think and unwind otherwise I will not go out if I only have to be on my phone.

That is all the habits I want to break this year. I wish everyone a very Happy and Prosperous New Year. Let’s have a fresh start and welcome the 364 days with hundreds of new chances not only for changing our habits but for literally everything. Let’s make 2019 better together! Thank you so much for stopping by. Cheers!

Love,

Jinky xx

Posted in THOUGHTS

FIVE WAYS HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP

Let us take a moment to acknowledge how breakups suck, that they are not fun, and how hard is it to get over them. Fun fact, I always tell others that it is easy to get over a breakup, but in reality, it is NOT. I have experienced breakup myself and these tips that I am about to disclose actually worked and helped me a lot. Any of these tips might be a no-brainer but you probably need a little push to make this works for you. I hope this will help you get over your breakup, or help you see it in a different perspective in a way that you did not happen to realize it might be for your own good. Before I forget, let me tell you that whatever breakup you’re going through right now, YOU WILL ALWAYS SURVIVE. It takes time, it will get better, and YES, YOU WILL SURVIVE. There’s no judgement here, either you are surviving a 3-month breakup or a 10-year breakup with whatever reason. So let’s go.

1. CRY IT OUT!

You have to cry it out. You are hurt and probably feel like crap with all of these thoughts of him/her being gone and that you are alone now. Basically, you are in pain, you feel horrible, broke, all those feels let it out because it is perfectly normal to cry. These thoughts of being together, memories being together that hurt you so bad, just feel the pain and don’t try to ignore it because chances are you’re just delaying the process. You never know when it will hit you and you can’t hold it in any longer. Let’s say, you heard a song you two used to listen to or sing or you saw his/her picture (honestly countless of possibilities) and you started crying (insert hashtag story of my life here). Haha. Then, you came to realize you are not fully over him yet because all you did was distracting yourself and never acknowledged or accepted the pain you’re feeling. You thought you are doing incredibly fine now because you do not think of him anymore. Self-distraction also is one of the ways but it does not come before the crying. Yes, it is indeed a process people. Don’t mind the others saying ‘oh you’re crying over a boy or girl it’s not worth it’ because you are not honey. You are crying because you are sad and because it hurts.

2. DISCONNECT WITH THEM

Okay, you two are no longer together clearly you do not have business with each other anymore. For my girls out there, DO NOT go bash your ex’s inbox ESPECIALLY if you’re going to beg for you guys to get back together. PLEASE STOP IT NOW. It will irritate him and might make him think you can’t live without him. Like what’s that??? Sure you can. It will be hard but you can and you will. Okay, if it is really hard, then try harder. You have to try harder. Don’t let your friends or common friends of you two talk to you about him also, like updating you what he’s done or how’s he doing. It’s not that you don’t care anymore (well maybe you should okay that’s way too harsh) it’s just it won’t help with the main goal of you getting over him. You don’t have to block them but if you do, okay that’s fine as well. You do whatever way you find best works for you. I am assuming you knew that if you block/unfriend him, there is no such thing as ‘unblocking’ if you went down that path again and you missed him or if you’re drunk. Because that to me personally my friend, is a form of immaturity. You have to be firm and believe in yourself that you will get through this. Another thing is, don’t creep on your ex’s IG or FB page because then you will feel sad again if you see that he’s moved on with another girl or boy. Haha. And trust me when I say it’ll be more embarrassing if you accidentally liked his picture. It’s not fun or okay in so many ways. It happened to me, please don’t do that.

3. TALK IT OUT

You have to share whatever struggle you’re feeling with your friends or significant others and let them comfort you. You’ll be surprised how much relief you will feel from letting it out of your chest and hearing others’ perspectives or experiences. If you are angry, let it out too provided you do it responsibly. What I mean is, you can’t just be yelling at someone everywhere whenever you feel like or be extremely mean to anyone because you feel like crap. Another thing I must say is, I don’t recommend posting it on social media. If your purpose is to spread a positive feedback of what you’re going through then you go ahead, but if it’s just pure hatred it is a huge NO. Everyone doesn’t need to see how you’re doing and they don’t deserve to be lashed out by you of what you’re going through either. Keep it to a minimum exposure. I know this might contradict to the whole ‘talk it out’ thing but writing down what you feel and all the things you wanted to say to your ex is just as great as talking about it. If you’re not a talker and don’t feel comfortable talking, this is the best way to have it. You absolutely do not need to contain all these distracting feelings inside you because it’s not healthy. Writing is the safest way as well, you can’t hurt anyone with your words because no one hears it unless you actually send it out to your ex. You can pour your heart out, your regrets or what-ifs, all that stuff left unsaid, and trust me it will make you feel better! Oppps almost forgot I did talk to myself, too. There might be some negative self-talk happened but it helped. Anyways, it’s just you and yourself now when will be the better time to build rapport with yourself than right now. Seriously, remind yourself you are strong and that no one can bring you down. Haha.

4. DISTRACT YOURSELF 

You are in full control of yourself. You are single now you can do whatever the heck you want, so as choosing how to feel, how to deal, and how to react with your breakup (once again not skipping the ‘accepting the pain and reality stage’). I remember when I caught myself thinking about my ex, I will then immediately divert my attention into watching funny videos. It’s lame I know but it helped me tremendously that’s why you have to try it too. There are numerous things you can do to distract yourself. You can go shopping, go out with your friends, basically making memories with yourself is what I am trying to hint here. It’s an absolute waste of time to keep thinking about that person over and over again who might not have thought of you since the day you broke up. And yes, it is noted that sometimes going through breakups is actually time and money consuming. Haha. I’m totally just kidding about the money consuming part. Distracting yourself isn’t evermore about your ex himself, like how to let him go, but to claim this opportunity to be able to better yourself and be selfish. If that makes sense. Doing the things you have been longing to do but got no chance because you were too occupied maintaining a relationship. Life doesn’t end here. Explore by yourself and for yourself.

5. DON’T BE FOOLED BY ”TO GET OVER SOMEONE IS TO GET UNDER SOMEONE ELSE”

I think this is dumb and immature. I don’t think this is even helpful and I believe that nothing good will come out of this. Not that I’m implying any impression that you two will get through this and eventually will get back together, it is just not acceptable. You don’t let your breakup takes control of your actions and suddenly become carefree going out hooking up with whoever. At least be respectful, let the breakup takes its course and stop yourself rushing into things. I don’t think it’s healthy to start-up a new relationship with unhealed broken heart. Because the last time I checked you just went through a heartbreak. I will be worried if after a week you’re already this ready, have it all figured out, and able to be in a meaningful relationship again. You’re just gonna end up thinking about your previous relationship and break up because that was the reason why you are in this present relationship. Not to mention the fact that it will be quite unfair to the other party who you dragged into your messy relationship shebangs. What I am saying is there’s no such thing as jumping from one relationship to another immediately right after coming out from a breakup. It is not real.

I still know everyone copes differently but these are just what worked in my experience. Some of you might relate and some might can’t. Whatever way makes you feel better, you do that. Of course, we don’t share the exact same experience and certainly what I think may not accord with what you think and what you believe in. But one thing is for sure, you will get through this, and as soon as you do, you’ll find all this hilarious. That is a FACT.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope this was helpful!

Peace and Love,

Jinky xx