From VIP Unit to LTVU

My journey; How I deal with my stress, and the Importance of Debriefing after a death of a patient. 

At the end of every hectic shift, I often find myself feeling ineffective and inadequate. Made me feel not fulfilled and after 10 years, questioned myself if Nursing really is for me. 

I used to care for VIP patients with a ratio of 1:1. It is safe to say that I deliver what is expected of me in a timely basis, I feel effective, from doing the usual bedside duties, carrying out orders, doing extra for the station and nursing department. Then here I am in LTVU handling 3 patients 95% of the time. Exhaustion is given, every day is not always planned and the margin for errors is so small.

I learn in LTVU so much and I’m grateful for those unplanned days. I certainly do not know everything and forget to do certain things, but I am honest about it and I always ask when I’m in doubt. My confidence was slowly being built and I thought it’s a good thing to always have things to work on. 

Growth comes in different ways after all. We always have a choice and strength that we never would have realized if we were not tested and did not experience the things we never did before. What a difference a five-month can make.  

Stress will always be there and Nurse Burnout has soared during this pandemic. It is not surprising then that somedays are just way too difficult to handle physically or mentally. And keeping a positive spirit all day long is just the only way it should be. Honestly, that is a hope – not a guarantee. 

I, like many others, deal stress differently. For me, The Phoenix becomes my Way to Decompress, an outlet to express the other side of myself. Having coffee out with friends, someone to vent out about your horrible day, over-sleeping, and Netflix. THEY. HELPED. 

Our lives as nurses seem to revolve around give – give – give and leaves us nothing for ourselves. Let’s be kind to ourselves and stop doing it. We can’t give anything we don’t have since Covid-19 has stretched our coping abilities so thinly. With this extra work stress, codes and deaths along with being masked all day, often puts us into emotional overdrive – which is all fathomable. Debriefing is important to regain emotional equilibrium. I just hope we can do more of this in the future and might be a good idea to have it actually built into a system or a program. 

AMIDST COVID ERA AND COVID ERA

I don’t know how much more I can do and I can hold. Keeping it all together and trying to stay positive though you are physically and mentally drained is freaking EXHAUSTING! And it’s obnoxious hearing people say “things will get better soon” like, when exactly..? It has been a year of battling covid on a personal level and professional one (short staffed). Everyday I show up to work, give my best and perform the same standards expected that should be done by two. And guess what, it is tiring. If you are not tired, you are not doing it right. I am sorry to say that but not really.

I. Am. Over. It. And I am done being discouraged to express what I feel. I’m fully aware that others are having it worse, but that doesn’t mean anything about me, my experience, my pain and my right to feel my emotions. Well, in fact, expressing and letting it go is better than letting it balloon out of control.

So yeah, sorry for such a negative post but I am just trying to be real. I can tell you to stay strong and positive etc., but you can do whatever you want to do, too.

Love,

Jinky

WALLPAPERS

Hiyaaa beautiful people! I was messing around illustrator and made wallpapers for you guys. I love them and you’ll be cursed if you don’t. *wink wink*

you are not weak because you care about them. you are strong because you have the heart to stay in a place you know you don’t belong.

 

 


r.m. drake