Let us take a moment to acknowledge how breakups suck, that they are not fun, and how hard is it to get over them. Fun fact, I always tell others that it is easy to get over a breakup, but in reality, it is NOT. I have experienced breakup myself and these tips that I am about to disclose actually worked and helped me a lot. Any of these tips might be a no-brainer but you probably need a little push to make this works for you. I hope this will help you get over your breakup, or help you see it in a different perspective in a way that you did not happen to realize it might be for your own good. Before I forget, let me tell you that whatever breakup you’re going through right now, YOU WILL ALWAYS SURVIVE. It takes time, it will get better, and YES, YOU WILL SURVIVE. There’s no judgement here, either you are surviving a 3-month breakup or a 10-year breakup with whatever reason. So let’s go.

1. CRY IT OUT!

You have to cry it out. You are hurt and probably feel like crap with all of these thoughts of him/her being gone and that you are alone now. Basically, you are in pain, you feel horrible, broke, all those feels let it out because it is perfectly normal to cry. These thoughts of being together, memories being together that hurt you so bad, just feel the pain and don’t try to ignore it because chances are you’re just delaying the process. You never know when it will hit you and you can’t hold it in any longer. Let’s say, you heard a song you two used to listen to or sing or you saw his/her picture (honestly countless of possibilities) and you started crying (insert hashtag story of my life here). Haha. Then, you came to realize you are not fully over him yet because all you did was distracting yourself and never acknowledged or accepted the pain you’re feeling. You thought you are doing incredibly fine now because you do not think of him anymore. Self-distraction also is one of the ways but it does not come before the crying. Yes, it is indeed a process people. Don’t mind the others saying ‘oh you’re crying over a boy or girl it’s not worth it’ because you are not honey. You are crying because you are sad and because it hurts.

2. DISCONNECT WITH THEM

Okay, you two are no longer together clearly you do not have business with each other anymore. For my girls out there, DO NOT go bash your ex’s inbox ESPECIALLY if you’re going to beg for you guys to get back together. PLEASE STOP IT NOW. It will irritate him and might make him think you can’t live without him. Like what’s that??? Sure you can. It will be hard but you can and you will. Okay, if it is really hard, then try harder. You have to try harder. Don’t let your friends or common friends of you two talk to you about him also, like updating you what he’s done or how’s he doing. It’s not that you don’t care anymore (well maybe you should okay that’s way too harsh) it’s just it won’t help with the main goal of you getting over him. You don’t have to block them but if you do, okay that’s fine as well. You do whatever way you find best works for you. I am assuming you knew that if you block/unfriend him, there is no such thing as ‘unblocking’ if you went down that path again and you missed him or if you’re drunk. Because that to me personally my friend, is a form of immaturity. You have to be firm and believe in yourself that you will get through this. Another thing is, don’t creep on your ex’s IG or FB page because then you will feel sad again if you see that he’s moved on with another girl or boy. Haha. And trust me when I say it’ll be more embarrassing if you accidentally liked his picture. It’s not fun or okay in so many ways. It happened to me, please don’t do that.

3. TALK IT OUT

You have to share whatever struggle you’re feeling with your friends or significant others and let them comfort you. You’ll be surprised how much relief you will feel from letting it out of your chest and hearing others’ perspectives or experiences. If you are angry, let it out too provided you do it responsibly. What I mean is, you can’t just be yelling at someone everywhere whenever you feel like or be extremely mean to anyone because you feel like crap. Another thing I must say is, I don’t recommend posting it on social media. If your purpose is to spread a positive feedback of what you’re going through then you go ahead, but if it’s just pure hatred it is a huge NO. Everyone doesn’t need to see how you’re doing and they don’t deserve to be lashed out by you of what you’re going through either. Keep it to a minimum exposure. I know this might contradict to the whole ‘talk it out’ thing but writing down what you feel and all the things you wanted to say to your ex is just as great as talking about it. If you’re not a talker and don’t feel comfortable talking, this is the best way to have it. You absolutely do not need to contain all these distracting feelings inside you because it’s not healthy. Writing is the safest way as well, you can’t hurt anyone with your words because no one hears it unless you actually send it out to your ex. You can pour your heart out, your regrets or what-ifs, all that stuff left unsaid, and trust me it will make you feel better! Oppps almost forgot I did talk to myself, too. There might be some negative self-talk happened but it helped. Anyways, it’s just you and yourself now when will be the better time to build rapport with yourself than right now. Seriously, remind yourself you are strong and that no one can bring you down. Haha.

4. DISTRACT YOURSELF 

You are in full control of yourself. You are single now you can do whatever the heck you want, so as choosing how to feel, how to deal, and how to react with your breakup (once again not skipping the ‘accepting the pain and reality stage’). I remember when I caught myself thinking about my ex, I will then immediately divert my attention into watching funny videos. It’s lame I know but it helped me tremendously that’s why you have to try it too. There are numerous things you can do to distract yourself. You can go shopping, go out with your friends, basically making memories with yourself is what I am trying to hint here. It’s an absolute waste of time to keep thinking about that person over and over again who might not have thought of you since the day you broke up. And yes, it is noted that sometimes going through breakups is actually time and money consuming. Haha. I’m totally just kidding about the money consuming part. Distracting yourself isn’t evermore about your ex himself, like how to let him go, but to claim this opportunity to be able to better yourself and be selfish. If that makes sense. Doing the things you have been longing to do but got no chance because you were too occupied maintaining a relationship. Life doesn’t end here. Explore by yourself and for yourself.

5. DON’T BE FOOLED BY ”TO GET OVER SOMEONE IS TO GET UNDER SOMEONE ELSE”

I think this is dumb and immature. I don’t think this is even helpful and I believe that nothing good will come out of this. Not that I’m implying any impression that you two will get through this and eventually will get back together, it is just not acceptable. You don’t let your breakup takes control of your actions and suddenly become carefree going out hooking up with whoever. At least be respectful, let the breakup takes its course and stop yourself rushing into things. I don’t think it’s healthy to start-up a new relationship with unhealed broken heart. Because the last time I checked you just went through a heartbreak. I will be worried if after a week you’re already this ready, have it all figured out, and able to be in a meaningful relationship again. You’re just gonna end up thinking about your previous relationship and break up because that was the reason why you are in this present relationship. Not to mention the fact that it will be quite unfair to the other party who you dragged into your messy relationship shebangs. What I am saying is there’s no such thing as jumping from one relationship to another immediately right after coming out from a breakup. It is not real.

I still know everyone copes differently but these are just what worked in my experience. Some of you might relate and some might can’t. Whatever way makes you feel better, you do that. Of course, we don’t share the exact same experience and certainly what I think may not accord with what you think and what you believe in. But one thing is for sure, you will get through this, and as soon as you do, you’ll find all this hilarious. That is a FACT.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope this was helpful!

Peace and Love,

Jinky xx